“And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced teaching us to breathe. What was frozen through is newly purposed turning all things green…”
Nicole Nordeman lyrics from the song, SEASONS
I love springtime in Atlanta, Georgia. I have numerous azalea bushes and dogwood trees on our property that bloom in a variety of vibrant colors every year reminding me that the cold, long days of winter have come to an end. I actually used to enjoy the winter and its starkness; its short days and long nights of quiet. Not so much anymore. I have recently come out of my own “winter” if you will, trapped under the weight of unfinished baggage that I dragged around with me wandering aimlessly in the drab, naked landscape without purpose. A little dramatic, wouldn’t you say?
Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best:
“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation – either react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
If you would have told me 4 ½ years ago that I would be a rock ‘n roll backup singer and about to release my first published romance novel in December/2016 I would have looked at you with wide eyes and thought you had gone off the deep end. You see, I was settled back then; content in my little community bubble with my circle of friends and working at my dream job. I could have continued that course for the rest of my life and been happy with it. Rock ‘n roll and romance novels weren’t even a blip on my radar.
But…. things change.
I lost my dream job. I lost numerous friends. I lost a community of people I was doing life with. Yes, I was devastated. Yes, I was bitter. Yes, I cut off communication with people I thought were lifelong friends that I didn’t believe supported me through this hardship. Depression hit me like a ton of bricks for several years. I sought professional help and a few close friends rallied around me convincing me that I would get through this.
Slowly, I began to change…
I unexpectedly became a member of an incredible National Tour as a backup singer traveling the world with magnificent talent and being treated like a real rock star! I started to write again – something that I had not had time to focus on for many, many years. I treasured my closest friends and family who were there for me during all of my dramatic angst.
I started to thaw…
I had to let go of what could have been. I had to let go of that movie reel in my head of how I thought I should have acted and what I wish I would have said differently.
I’m not the same person I was before.
I don’t believe that time heals all wounds. I have adapted to my loss. I move forward now with fond memories – no more “what ifs” – I’m done. Being a creative person has helped me exponentially in my decision to move forward – to finally embrace my gifts, my age and what I have to offer to the universe. My light has not gone out. It may have only flickered for a while, but it’s shining brightly once again. If you are going through a significant life altering experience I’m not going to tell you that time heals all wounds. Like I said before, I don’t believe that. I would just like to say….
It does get better...
And who knows? You may find yourself living out a rock ‘n roll fantasy that will probably end up in one of your published books.